art blocked
i tried drawing earlier. i hated it. i can't draw anymore. i lost my ability to draw. i'm gonna end it all.
my warm up was shit. i tried to sketch something. it turned out horrid. i don't even know what my style has turned into. it's so ugly. im 19. i've regressed. i'm so fucking pissed.
i tried to draw a few days ago, but it also turned out like shit. so i stopped drawing for a bit. what the fuck. what the actual fuck is wrong with me.
i think this negative feeling is making me want to binge. i have that urge. but i'm not gonna. i already had a "mini-binge" earlier. i'm listening to the cure as i write this.
i know i def ate over my calorie limit. i think the thing i'm more pissed about, though, is that my dinner was crap. usually i have a protein, carb, and vegetable to satiate me. but what i ate was a popeyes chicken leg and a tortilla wrap. then i had the urge to binge. i ate a cup of popcorn and a protein bar. but my stomach felt stretched. and i felt so gross. i definitely hopped on my walking pad to counteract it.
i just like when my meals are pretty and nutritious. it fucks with me.
fuck.
i hate everything.