fitting room
i went shopping with one of my dear friends earlier and it only made my body dysmorphia even worse.
i feel terrible because honestly, for most of the hang out i was like, 85% stuck in my own head. i couldn't enjoy it because all i could think about was how disgusting i look. i know i did this to myself. so i shouldn't be so surprised when constant overeating leads to me gaining weight. but i just feel so heavy and ugly.
we were at a clothing store and i was about to try on some jorts. one of the workers asked me if my friend was gonna come with me in the fitting room. i said no and didn't think much of it. i'm really glad i said no because i completely forgot that i have self harm scars on my thigh. they're relatively fresh too. i almost fucked myself even more and i didn't even realize it. i have to be more careful now.
this summer i plan on getting my body back and even more. i will do what it takes. but for now i guess i'm just gonna stay miserable. i love self sabotage.
🫐